Communities hand security services over to the State in exchange for protection. When the State fails or refuses to extend protection while community is in distress, people have two options: wait, wait, and wait till the State awakens to her responsibility to protect, if ever she does, or UN comes in to fill in the void, assuming it is robust enough to undertake such mission; or community falls back to God Given right - to protect self. Abyei is caught in-between two states: one, the Sudan, claims the land, but not the people whom they will not hesitate to exterminate; the other, South Sudan, which Ngok people helped create and still identify with, does not care a whit - not for people, nor land. She enjoys remaining silent when land is occupied and the population slaughtered by the Sudan, all, while cameras watch. South Sudan is aware Ngok, the victim community, has no alternative but to hold on to her apron even they are being preyed on by the Sudan. Within her earshot, voices from within are calling for increased isolation of Ngok as prelude to liquidating or forcing them to flee the country's territories. Chilling, shrill and deafening are their voices, yet, the sovereign Ngok trusts is quiet, unmoved. It is that bad, yet, despite grievances Ngok has against the government including, 1. Failure to call back an SPLA battalion lost to Sudan during integration of forces, which Sudan now uses alongside other militias, to keep Ngok on toes; 2. Failure to address the root causes of the conflict in the area. 3. Tacit acceptance of false allegation ongoing intercommunal war is territorial at heart when, upon closer scrutiny, it is not ; 4. Ambiguous sposition of SPLA forces deployed in the area: are they buffer between the two warring communities, or there as partisans to lend weight to one side to the disadvantage of the other, Ngok of Abyei being the other? 5. Total abandonment of Abyei Adminsterative area to the devices of the Sudan which controls the UN presence in the area, UNISFA. Even against such checkered and duplicitous history which flies in the face of all values with which the war for the liberation of South Sudan was waged, I would not suggest South Sudan is directly at war with Ngok, the victim community individual actors within the country are out to dismember. This is because hope in South Sudan has refused to die in me. Every incident visited on Ngok deals a deadly blow to the lingering hope; but it won't die long as tomorrow remains a promise, and the wheels of time grind on unconcerned, crashing the defeatist spirit in me with it. Even at that, the silence of South Sudan feels like a weapon of sorts. It kills as surely as does Sudan's active occupation of land, incineration of villages, and cold blooded slaughter of innocent populations. The picture gets even murkier when a community in South Sudan take matters into their own hands, seek relationship with Sudanese coveters of Ngok land, coordinate, and as one, launch pincer deadly attacks. South Sudan, the country Ngok identifies with, and recognize in the Constitution, remains silent, sphinx-like still, emotion-blank. Here, some among Ngok would conclude South Sudan, the country of choice, has given them into the hands of existential enemies. Such conclusion is upheld by facts visible to naked eyes. To them who have lost vision of the future, the misgivings mentioned above are enough to choke hope in South Sudan. Still, some among Ngok people hang on, frustrated as should be, but still hopeful the State will at some point regain conscience and consciousness enough to assume responsibility and protect. It is a bit as illusive as the return of Christ, remote, but to those that believe, it is real and will wait for that day. For now, Ngok has two choices: join the camp that has lost hope in South Sudan and have sought acceptance within the Sudan, or ruminate over the possibility of being (allowed) to stand on their on, a tiny sliver of land between two towering, but collapsing titans. On whom would the debris fall should the two countries decide to do bad to one another and both hit the ground, a dead weight? My friends, be realistic. Ngok will be the ground zero of the ultimate showdown. Standing therefore is a euphemism to dying on one's feet, glorious but does not equate to standing alive. Titbai, Not an armed Rebellion: Ngok must keep hope in South Sudan alive, but must stay alive to continue bearing that hope. Only one way to cling on to life. Titbai is Ngok's lifebuoy. They may not have what it takes to prevent them from drowning, but one thing is sure, with them, should Ngok be killed, they would pass on in glory. It does not matter who preys on Ngok, citizens of South Sudan we love because we helped found it, or the Sudan Ngok is aware would not welcome them except as footstools. It must be emphasized Titbai is a creation of circumstances, not an organized hit group with a godfather above telling them what to do. They are a spontaneous group knit together by the call of duty to protect their homes, property and a war-weary population that has, nonstop, weathered Sudanese invasions for the last 58 years. They have no expectations of reward beyond securing a space for parents and siblings to live, a space they have, but has now come under invasion, not only from the Sudan, which is expected, but from South Sudan as well. If kinship is no guarantee of continued friendship, could it be possible that erstwhile enemy, the Sudan, could be the next friend waiting? Some in Ngok have considered this option. Those are the ones that now speak as if there were never serious issues wit the Sudan that Ngok cannot forget and move on to forge healthier relationships. That said, one cannot in good conscience deny, in one year, attacks from South Sudanese kin and kith have not been less devastating as ones from the racist Sudan. Both come to deliver death. Remember, death is no hypocrite; it bears one unchanging face, delivered by friend or foe, always ugly, always the thing to avoid or confront to the last breath. Such are the choices available to Ngok. Genocide has a way of reshaping societies. Ngok will never be the same, not with the Sudan, and not among our own kind. Someone said: "water will return to stream, but don't drink of it yet. It may no more be potable as was." When Ngok is South Sudanese, it would return with significant changes. Now, within South Sudan, we will ask for special status within a united country, this way, we stand alone, but within a larger entity. Loath or Love, Ngok is South Sudanese Because they Are. A faithful compatriot, I speak my mind. RTA